Missing My Baby Girl

I lost my baby girl 4 1/2 years ago. I was 39 weeks pregnant, 1 week to go...nearly a perfect pregnancy (except for the morning sickness). I went in on Mother's Day in 2006 to have them check on the swelling of my feet, hopeful, they would just keep me since I was already dialated to a 3. The nurses went to check the heartbeat and couldn't find it. They did a sonogram and my worst nightmare was confirmed. My little girl had passed away. My life changed forever on this day. Went into the hospital thinking I would have a baby, came out planning a funeral. Still to this day, I can't believe that happened, but the pain I feel in my heart is proof. It still hurts just as bad today as it did then. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her. Although, we never got to see her eyes open or hear her little coo, we spent 9 months of pregnancy with her feeling every little kick, every little squirm, and had lots of dreams of all of the things we do together once she was here. I came across these poems I found days after she passed away. Even though, they bring tears to my eyes, they still bring me comfort. I love and miss you baby girl!

"The Grieving Mother"

To those who say to get on with my life, I have.
It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother.
One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for,
but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!

Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks,
she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.

Open your eyes to US, and you just might see THEM.

Author Unkown


My Mom, she tells a lot of lies
she never did before.
From now until she dies,
she'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mom how she is
and because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mom how is she,
She'll say "I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mom how is she,
she seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice you see
nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mom how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For Gods sake Mom, just tell the truth
just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how is she
she'll lie and say she's fine.
I am here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
we'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom
with all the lies you told!"

(Author unknown)



Don’t let them say I wasn’t born, that something stopped my heart,
I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I loved you from the start.

Although my body you can’t hold, it doesn’t mean I’m gone,
This world was worthy not of me, God chose that I move on,

I know the pain that drowns your soul, what you are forced to face,
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms, someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was “meant to be, God doesn’t make mistakes”
But that won’t soften your worst blow or make your heart not ache.

I’m watching over all you do, another child you’ll bear,
Believe me when I say to you, that I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you, when you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips and then you’ll understand.

Although I never breathed your air, or gazed into your eyes,
That doesn’t mean I never “was”…An Angel Never Dies



My Little Angel
I felt your presence there inside of me,
nestled soft and warm;
Sweet scent of baby's breath,
precious words left unadorned.

I saw your tiny heartbeat,
then I knew that you were fine;
A perfect baby we created,
one that would be mine.

Then that tragic day it came
there was nothing I could do,
Only wait and hope
for the precious life of you.

Yes in the beginning
your daddy was afraid;
Only he would love you unconditional
and never run away.

He loved you more this I do know,
as he cried for you that day,
When the doctor said that you were gone,
daddy wanted you to stay.

He would have held you close to him,
and see your perfect form,
A gift of daddy's love,
would have kept you safe and warm.

Only now you are an angel over me
beautiful and bare,
My heart would hurt if you cried for me
and mommy was not there.

Still we are together in my heart and memories,
You are still a part of my memory.

Rest gentle now 'sweet baby' there is no pain
you are never alone,
I know you are with the guiding angels
in you peaceful home.

I will come with you someday
only now is not my time,
Then we will be together again
again you will be mine