Day 4 - 31 Day Challenge - An experience that made you who you are today

31 Day Challenge

Day 4 - An experience that made you who you are today

My first positive pregnancy test.  I had no idea how much this would change my life.  I got pregnant with my first baby two months after I had gotten married in 2005.  We weren't trying, but not really preventing either.  About 5 weeks into this pregnancy, I started experiencing all day morning sickness.  My husband had a trip to Korea during this week so he never got to see how sick I was.  By the time he had gotten back, I had discovered Zofran - an anti nausea medicine.  However, even with the medicine I was still pretty sick up until about 6 months.  Needless to say, our first year of marriage wasn't all that exciting!  Sadly, I lost this baby, a girl - Jordan Marie at 39 weeks.  The cause of death was determined as "unknown".  I think about her everyday and always wonder how life would be different if she were here. 

After losing Jordan, all I could think about was getting pregnant again.  I got pregnant four months later and that pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage and then again about 4 months later and another miscarriage.  I couldn't believe this was happening to me.  I really questioned God at this time.  Why would he let me get pregnant so easily the first time with no complications except horrible morning sickness and then after losing that baby have two miscarriages?  I had more testing done after the miscarriages and again, results came back as "unknown."  Finally around the time Jordan would have been one year old, I got pregnant with Trevor - thank you God!  With all of the losses I had already experienced, I didn't want to purposely prevent another pregnancy so when Trevor was 6 months old, I discovered I was pregnant again with Ethan.  I figured the pregnancy would result in a miscarriage, but thankfully, it didn't.  We weren't trying, but when Ethan was about a year, I got pregnant once again and it resulted in another miscarriage - thankfully, I already had my two boys and I had miscarried almost as soon as I found out I had a positive pregnancy test so it wasn't near as painful as the other losses.  It still hurt though and it's funny how sometimes you think you don't want something until it's taken away from you.  This caused me to get the baby bug again and a couple months later, pregnant with Addison.  I can get pregnant easily; I just have trouble with the end result being a baby.  So now I'm 3:7 - three babies out of seven pregnancies.  Steve and I have talked about trying to even out the score so that means maybe one more.  We'll see, it will definitely be a few years before I want to go down this emotional roller coaster again!